Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first man drops his backpack, digs out a pair of trainers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second man says, ‘What are you doing? Trainers won’t help you outrun that bear.’‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ‘I just need to outrun you.’

Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn’t control her pupils!

I called a psychic once. She asked me who was on the line, so I hung up!