This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore!

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Another notice from a Church bulletin board:
“This evening at 7pm there will be hymn singing in the park opposite the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.”

A man who has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground said he went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour.

And finally, an Irish video joke, see here